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And there are certainly things children should not be told.

You know whats worse than her lying to you? Also climb down off the psychology pedestal, unless you are a licensed professional that has no merit here.

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HARD YTA for all else.

At least it was when I was 16.

Personally I know I've held information about dating someone from my family until I know where we were at relationship wise after a certain point because hey, I didn't want to jump the gun and have to explain a week after I mentioned the guy that we broke up or didn't officially get together.

No one will want to tell you anything.

This is not even psychology.

Have you ever asked whether she's totally comfortable with that? Why could she tell her dad? Also consider the possibility of her having or not sex.

Secondly, your not a 'cool mom'.

It is better to reward good behaviour than punish disliked behaviour.